6/18/08
I think about summer and I think about green and blue, grass and sky, trees and water. It is a time to enjoy the outdoors. Those who don't have a cold snowly winter may not fully appreciate the obligation some of us feel to enjoy the outdoors while we can without wearing a parka. While there are things we can do to enjoy winter, it is summer that is pleasant. It's sometimes like a relationship; We can tolerate cold spells but always enjoy the warmth when it comes around. It puts a smile on my face. Smiling is a good thing.
4/07/08
I've just finished an interesting book call visual faith by william a. dyrness. Something he said towards the end of the book combined with something that has been happening in my life to create a new insight. I like it when that happens. He was talking about the power of beauty. It is beauty and aesthetic qualities in life that gives power to the event. He was referring to art specifically. But he brought up the objection some people have to a focus on art which says "how can I spend my time and energy on art and beauty when there is so much injustice in the world, poor to feed, etc?" He does not deny the need to care for the poor, surely this is command throughout the Bible, and a recognized virtue throughout the world, but he suggests that it is through the use of beauty, becuase of its power, that we can truly affect justice. We are commanded to focus on both. We have a shallow idea of beauty in our culture and language; it is visual only. Beauty,in ancient languages and cultures, also means righteous, is the well designed, the right use, the right-ness of something. This too is justice. We can use the right-ness and power of beauty for the goal of justice.
This idea, applied in my life, means I do not need to choose between a variety of interests, but that they go together for the same purpose. I know I dedicate this website to balance living, but I just like all need to make choices. So here we have another way to balance; include both beauty and justice in your life.
3/13/08
Wow, I missed another month. Life is just so busy. I really don't understand people who can spend hours on line, unless of course it is their job. I have too many other things, things I like to do an awful lot more than sit and type. I wrote a poem this morning after reading Psalm 65 I will include it here:
Glistened frost on branches low, crisp breeze whisper majesty;
Melting flakes feed blooming buds, rainbowed fields scream praise;
Rays of warmth on green and blue sing spirit's warm embrace;
Burnt tangy rust of leaved blanket path, speak soft and calm assured hand held, a year secure again.
-m. lucchesi
Winter in Michigan is slow to withdraw. But our driveway is showing signs of spring, as a friend recently told me. Spring always brings thoughts of renewal, of hope and comfort in the future. Our souls are like the earth in spring. Our souls need renewal and hope also. Our souls long for the sweet aroma like the smell of spring. We grow weary and need the freshness like spring trees that bud. The earth needs the seasons change like our soul needs seasons of change, yet there is a secure familarity as we drift from season to season, knowing it all comes around again.
1/2/08
The snow is breathtaking. We traveled north this past week to visit family. My mother-in-law lives in the upper penisula of Michigan. Driving down the roads banked by miles of trees laden with heavy snowfall was like being in a fantasy world. It reminded me of Narnia scenes from the movie. What a wonderful blessing. I've continued to try to look at the world through the eyes of wonder and awe. It was not difficult during this trip. We stopped to photograph three pairs of bald eagles that were feeding on road kill. How majestic. I feel sorry for those who must celebrate Christmas with no snow. When February comes around I may be a bit tired of it, but it reminds me that in all things in life it is variety that lets us appreciate each portion.
10/25/07
The colors are beautiful in central Michigan now. I've been trying to take my own advice and really notice the beauty, the colors, the sounds, the smells and appreciate all the little blessings around us. There are big ones too, but little ones sometimes go overlooked and that's a shame. All the negative in our worlds often overshadow even the big blessings, not to mention the little ones. Sometimes the little ones are the ones that pull us out of the slumps. When we're feeling down it doesn't take so much energy to see the sunset and say "wow". A recent Reader's Digest article again reminds us of the benefits of begin thankful. So I'm trying to personalize it, make it real for me. I had a client confront me the other day about "aren't you suppose to do these things right - you're the counselor?!" My response was a transparant as I try to always be "I'm human too, I get angry too, I have to use these tools too, and I try." This is one I'm trying today.
9/26/07
I guess I missed August all together - oh, well. Today I was thinking about grief. I updated the emotional growth page, you can visit it for the official stuff. But the reason I was thinking about it was becuase it seems it has come up a lot lately. Last week a six year old girls died suddenly in our community. I first heard about it from a client who knew her well and was quite shaken by the situation. I too knew the girl, in fact taught her in one of my dance classes. As my client and I were talking about the impact that death has on us it amazed me the difference in our perceptions. I voiced this and I'm not sure she grasped it. I see the pain of loosing someone in death as a reminder how precious life it. If we didn't hold life so dear death wouldn't hurt so badly. She on the other hand simply saw the pain as unbearable, bringing her again to the point of thinking about escaping it through suicide. I suppose the different perception very much has to do with the fact that she is prone to depression and sees everything through those "glasses". It saddens me that such a precious soul does not see her own preciousness. I suppose that's why I'm in the profession I am.
7/22/07
I recently spent a week in Mississippi. It was a beautiful state. But being from Michigan I was unaccustom to the humidty. I guess even the locals said it was hot; 95 degrees and up to 96% humidity. -Not comfortable. -heat index up to 140 degrees! My family jokingly talked about feeling like hell itself couldn't be hotter. Needless to say we were happy to get home. This experience can be seen I suppose as a metaphor for change and familiar. I know that when people get outside their comfort zone, and no matter how good the change may be, they're happy to get back to the familiar. Change is hard partly just because we don't like to be outside our comfort zone, even when we know it's good change. I went to a new oil change place after meeting a manager and wanting to support him. After going to the same one for eleven years I was little surprised how hard it was for me to drive into a new oil change place. I talked myself through it; I had not loyalties there, they were about the same price, they do the same work, I wouldn't get the free vacuum and carwash, but they have other pluses. I made it. Sometimes the little changes that are good for us just take a little, or a lot, of self talk. And usually they're good for us, even it the goodness only comes in the fact that we did something different, fired some new neurons, and bloster our confidence some.
6/27/07
I guess I missed May altogether. wow, how time flies. I realize that I'm just not very good at maintance issues. Keeping a website is a lot like keeping a garden. You've got to tend to it regularly. I'm not a very good gardener. I always tell people that we all have strengths and weakness. We each are designed to do some things and not other things. Our personalities are just cut out for some things. Becuase I don't tend my garden (i.e. website) as often as I should probably means I won't harvest as much as I could - but at least there's NO WEEDS! But I keep plugging away as slowly as I want. I've had people in the past- mostly sales men - say "as long as you're willing to committed the time and the money you will succeed" - but I don't believe that- Over the last year I have come to the conclusion that people have to to cut out for the work. I could put in the time and money and still not succeed it my personality just isn't designed for it. So don't believe everything sales people - or "customer respresentatives" say. Know yourself. Know what you are good at doing. Know your desires and motivations. Your work, or special projects, should revolve around your strengths and motivation. If you try to build a business, or a hobby, or a ministry, or a group around something that is not your strength you won't be fulfilled or happy with it. So I just plug along, at my own pace, often feeling ashamed that I don't do a better job, but I can deal with it. I've put enough work into it that it's worth it, even only a few people are helped by it and even if it's not an award winning site.
4/11/07
Today it feels like winter. Snow in April! That's just not right! But we deal with a lot of things in life that just aren't right. The other day a giant opossum visited our back door. This was the biggest one I've ever seen (not that I've seen alot, but it was aleast twice as big as the one in the museum). It scared my daughter and the boys have used it to tease her ever since. Then yesterday we found one dead on the road. I really think it is too small to by our "man-eating- opossum" but it relieved my daughter to think that it wouldn't be back again. Then I thought about the statement I made to the kids just the other day "when creation does what it is designed to do it honors the creator." Somehow when that opossum came to our back door, smelling the cat food placed there I'm sure, it was seeking out food, that's what it is designed to do, it was glorifying the creator that made it to do that. Funny how we humans who were designed with free will use that free will to make bad choices sometimes. Does this mean that making choices, even bad ones, glorifies the creator becasue we were designed to make choices?
3/13/07
Today feels like spring, which is saying a lot when you live in a place buried in snow for three months. We often think about new beginnings in spring. We see the flowers and trees bud and grow again. I am hoping that the small trees I planted last fall will grow this spring. I wonder if we have the same expectations for ourselves. We expect the plants to grow becuase we know it's natural, but we stagnate ourselves. I believe we need to grow just like those trees. Honestly, I know I sometimes put obstacles in my own way that keep me from growing. I feel a call to do something but talk myself out of it, then deal with the consequences of that dull bored , or downright guilty, feeling for not doing what I should have done. I wonder what life would be like if we did those things that the great spirit calls us to do that would grow us. Would I be more joyful? or content? or fulfill? Probably. But life is too easy the way it is. It's too easy to follow the routine, meet status quo, to cope with daily bussel and let the callings fall on deaf ears. It takes courage to follow the call of the spirit. I pray I will have that courage.
2/06/07
I often think while I'm driving down the road "oh I should write something about this in my ponderings" then by the time I get to my computer, which may be hours or days later, I have forgotten the revelation which I wanted to share. Anyway, there is always new thoughts to ponder. I am helping several people in my outpatient practice with issues of anger. This is, as you can imagine, a rather common topic. Recently I asked a young man, a pre-teen actually, about how he would feel if someone would insults him. His response was "I'd throw that little table at him." His repsonse shows a common confusion especially among youth, but also in many adults. I asked about his feelings and his response described behavior. People often don't know the difference. There is such a strong connection between the feelings and the behavior it's automatic; if I'm angry (feeling) I throw something (behavior). His mother, sitting in the room, was not much more clear; she repeated, when asked about his anger, that he would get in trouble. She was not distinguishing the difference spontaneously either, believing that his anger got him in trouble. We went on to state clearly that his anger does not get him in trouble, his behavior does. This is beginning to sound more like one of my teaching articles than a pondering, but I do ponder on these issues. This young man's brother sat next to him with obviously clear understanding of the topic and the distinction. What makes the difference? They live in the same home, with the same parents, with similar experiences. One easily "get's it" and one struggles. This is often seen with married couples. They both experience the same exploration while in my office. One get's it the other doesn't. I'm sure there are extremely complex factors that go into the issue. More than I will ever comprehend. But I still ponder.
1/8/07
I was thinking about simplisity. In my life it seems that everything that is simple works better. My husband likes gadgets that will do anything, but he has learned that if it's for me make it simple. Not because I can't understand the complex, I can - usually - but it's just that there's that many more things to break. We had a cordless phone that offered full remote control, so every button on the base was copied somewhere on the handset. We never used them. And I couldn't find the redial button! The one feature I wanted to use I couldn't find becuase of all the wonderful buttons! The next one we bought was the ten dollar model- simplicity. If we could see the "bottons" in our life would we see too many that do nothing we want? Are the features of life we want buried beneath the complex network of bottons of busy-ness? It's hard to answer. I look at my involvements and everyone has a purpose and a benefit and they fit into my life. I think simplicity is not always how much down time you have, (though we must have some) but how well you manage the buttons you have so you can set them aside and see what's really important. I read a good article about living in the moment (in Psycotherapy Networker) and the author makes the point that it's the appreciation of the sights, sounds and smells at any given moment that creates our ability to be "in the moment." I also think it is the key to a simple life. If we've made the tough decisions that need to be made to have all activities in our life be purposeful, prunning out busy-ness, then simplicity is a matter of preception and appreciation.
12/12/06
I will be turning 41 this weekend. I have also felt that there is something more to do. I don't know if other people also have this feeling. It seems that life has so much to offer. I can't fit it all in. I am reading some about personality types, which of course I have been familiar with for a long time, but one thing I read recently said that as we get older we start to develop our nondominant functions in our personality and that this is related to the common "mid life crisis" . Maybe this has to do with my feeling of something more to do - though it's been there longer. I've considered going on to a PhD, but can't figure out what I want to study. I began this website as part of that "find a new challenge". I am writing more, but not knowing exactly what to do with it all. I will add this book to my list of readings as it is very interesting. Let me know what you think.
11/14/06
I talk to people alot about identity. If you think of yourself as an "x" you act like one. For example, if you think of yourself as a smoker you are more likely to smoke than if you think of yourself as a nonsomker. It's true in any area, a runner runs, a hockey player plays hockey, a dieter diets, a "bad boy" acts "bad" - however he defines it. Most people have a major identity and then many, many minor identities. For example, your occupation, especially if you work full-time, is probably a major identity for you; a nurse, a doctor, an engineer, whatever you are that is what you think of yourself as. But you have many minor identities; any sport or hobbie in which you participate. In my attempt to live a balanced life, as I encourage people to do both on this website and in my practice, I have struggled myself with the issue of identity. I knew this earlier on in my career. Because I have always held several different part-time positions and put a lot of time into other committments my time on any one has been more limited than those working full-time. Music is a big part of my life. I considered it as a field of study when I was in college. (But I decided to go into something "practical" - haven't ever quite figured that reasoning out.) I believed I had been working as a psychologist for eight or nine years when I finally came to the conclusion that I was a better psychologist than musician. It was a serious shift in my thinking and my identity. Living a balanced life, living out many different identities requires a very fluid mind. I believe this, in of itself, is a intellectual and emotional challenge. It has been for me and I'm sure for others, as I see them struggle to move away from the believe that all that matters in life is working hard. When I first stopped the "regular" part-time position every day felt a bit like shifting gears in the middle of a run; to move from three hours of outpatient therapy, to twos hours of subbing inpatient, to four hours of homemaking, to picking up kids and helping with homework required fluid shift in identity. I feel more comfortable with the shifting now and enjoy the variety.
11/09/06
I was driving home the other day, the ten minute drive I make several times a day between my house and town, I realized that I was, and had been for quite a while, feeling offended when other cars would pass me. I wondered why I would feel this way. If I'm driving a speed I believe is reasonable why should I be offended by others wanting to go faster. I feel that they are saying "you're not fast enough" as if this is an insult, when it really is more of a statement of opinion. Maybe it has to do with the tone I read into this thought, as if they really are talking to me with that tone, you know the one - the kind that tells you they really are not happy with you. (one we can never duplicate in typing) I'm sure it has to do with some deep seeded self doubt, the one everyone has. So I correct the thought to say "they need to go faster than I do right now, it's not a judgement on my value," and try to go on with life.
11/02/06
I've been studying the concept of Freedom. Galatians 5:1 says "It is for freedom that Christ has set us fee, so stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened by a yoke of slavery"
The book of Galatians has been talking about old covenant law being a slave master. But I wonder to what modern man is a slave- money, worry, laws of our land? But this last hardly seems a burden. I know it is not laws of the land that Paul talks about, he was meaning religious laws. Why do laws of thel and not seem to be slave masters? Becuase they make sense to us. We generally understand them and believe they are for safety and civility. And this is somehting we want It does not seem to be slavery to obey a law we want. If we want to do those things a law tells us to do, it is by our choice we do it, not by slavery to a law. (though for some people it is otherwise, or we wouldn't need the law at all). Does the same hold true for spiritual laws - rules, or commands? We are not slave when we want to do what is commanded. For example Paul writes to Corinthians that they should collect an offering weekly so they can take it with them when they go to Jeruselem to give it to the needy. If this is something they want - to give to the needy - they will take his idea gladly choose it. If they did not want to it would become a burden to do as he said. Or even more simply the command to love one another. If we want to love, it is our choice not a burden of slavery to obey the command. It is therefore the condition of our heart which changes us freom slavery to free choice. when our desires are for that which is commanded the it is our choice not slavery or obligation moves us to obey. This can be applied to many aspects of life. It is the change in our heart that brings us to the point of living out the verse "It is for freedom that Chrsit has set us fee, so stand firm, the, and do not let yourselves be burdened by a yoke of slavery"
Becuase the Spirit of God has the power to make this change in our hearts we come to the paradox: It is through becoming a slave to Chrsit that we are set free. His Spirit changes our heart so our desire is for the command of love He give, therefore it is no burden of slavery but our desire.
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